Death of a Star

I’m steady running.

Running from what’s mine.

Missing my opportunity to shine.

Be the man, the man my father couldn’t be.

Let me show you what you’ve truly been waiting for.

Prince charming, the man of your dreams.

I’ll run a mile just to be in your shoes.

Show me how to love you. Show me how to make your heart beat.

Like I’m the surgeon trying to keep you alive. I may seem strange like Dr. Strange. But I want the powers to be your hero.

I find it so complex to complete a vivid description of your complexion. My feelings for you are harder than any erection.

My heart and soul explode like a dying star, the strength in me multiplies ten fold when your name and or face is envisioned.

I must stay disciplined. I can’t let these inner thoughts come to realty. I can’t allow you to read the depths of my soul.

I want “us” but my feelings won’t allow for me to let go…. let go of past reflections like I’m staring in a mirror. Watching past decisions become distant memories. Memories where the past was difficult to accept. Where things didn’t go as planned. I can’t plan my future because my heart is stuck in the past. I can’t move forward because I can’t compute the grounds where I stand.

Is this really true?

Is this my realty?

With one snap of the finger, my ptsd has been triggered. Once configured I come back to a realty that I may not be able to accept.

Over time my mind, body and soul will accept. That what I have in the flesh is truly my own EVE. If I’m wise I’ll accept and learn what it truly means to be with the perfect human being.

I will watch as she is crafted into perfection over the years. No love lost, no more tears are spent. Delusional because I can’t truly be in her plans? These words come out easily but you can’t get rid of me that easily. I hear your heart and taste your cravings. Playing games like the hunt isn’t savory. With each step your motives grow closer and closer. Waiting and waiting…pull the trigger!

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